Progress

The frustration mounted to an unenduring pitch this past week. The lack of sleep became chronic. I was almost in tears. So, last Friday I pulled myself together and pushed myself to go out and apply to some places in person, not just online. I have never had trouble finding jobs in the past and have been really perplexed that I have not found another job despite the effort of the last couple of years. I have an interview on Thursday. I aim to get the job, and then keep looking for something that is more fulfilling. Right now I am simply motivated to get myself off the night thing. I realize that I may have to work 2 jobs, but I am sure that I will work something out.

I am still trying to figure out what to do with my degree. This is the biggest frustration for me. I didn't go through all of that schooling to still be working in low paying jobs. But with budget cuts and lack of contracts, the industry has bee hurting, hardly any field work. So, what am I to do? I know a PhD that has been having trouble finding work. So I am trying to think of more creative solutions to my dilemma.

Those creative solutions primarily revolve around my artwork. I need to start inputting some time and energy into the more meaningful aspects of my life. I know that once I do enough of it that my life will open up and things will flow better. Focus has been a big problem for me the last couple of years, despite all of my training to the contrary. Heck, I used to teach that in my meditation classes. No job is worth what I feel I am putting myself through just to make some money. There are plenty of other fish in the sea and I will find what I need for survival until I generate the things that will allow me to thrive more than ever. Right now getting off the night job is my main motivation. I have an interview on Thursday, pray for me.

I feel like I am putting myself back together again. I started sketching out some ideas for a painting the other day. I haven't done that for awhile. I want to take my artwork to new levels, new places, but I got stalled out in early 2010 just after doing the seagull pastel and starting a painting from a picture that I took in Utah. I simply need to do more.

Balance, self-approval and expectations

Life is changing and the requirements for maintaining functionality are also. I feel like I am being torn apart sometimes. I know that it is nothing personal, just my own sensitivities to the changes in energies that are occurring on the planet. I have my good days and not so good days, like everyone else. I would rather have more good days now. Lately, I start to make forward progress and something comes up to challenge or cross me. I am very tired of this; I just want to make the changes and get on with it. I feel like I am wasting a lot of time every time that I have to regain my equilibrium. Things were never like this. I expect better from myself and the world around me.

I have been moving internally at first and now externally, toward making some changes that will set a better course in my life. I deserve to be happy, and there is no time like the present to have that happiness. I am making progress, especially in taking care of my body. Going back to the gym was the best thing I have done in awhile. I do not want it to be the only good new thing that I am doing, but with the change in energy, came some physical challenge. I am working through it, but I am greatly annoyed and distracted from my chosen course because of it. I am praying to get over it as quickly as possible. I would rather not say what it is; I don't want to give it any energy anymore. I am ok. I prefer to think of myself in terms of wholeness and well-being, as that is my natural state, regardless of some minor occurrences in the physical. I expect to be well, all the time. By the way, the energy in my body shifted before I went back to the gym, not after. Going to the gym has helped tremendously in more than just a physical way.

I just want to be myself, in all the wonderful ways that I can be. This largely centers around work related issues. I really want to get back to teaching classes/workshops again. I feel that I have a lot to share and some new things to present if I just spend some time gathering the information. I also plan on painting as much as possible, I have so many ideas now and I know that my guides favor that route as well. I have a lot of paintings in my head already, but that doesn't do anyone any good unless I paint them. I also want to get back to doing something in archaeology. I am hoping that the 2 firms in the area have some work this season. There hasn't been any work for the last few seasons (years). It's nice money and it's my field. I love archaeology. I miss it and want to get more experience in it. I have some ideas for research, but need to buy books, so as I change to a more abundant lifestyle, I can resume my interests. Why else did I spend about 10 years of my life in school, if not to use my education and work in the field of my choosing?

I also need to socialize and meet new people, but that isn't a problem once I am able to leave the hotel. Working nights is not conducive to doing the things that I need to do to promote myself and the things that I do. I need to move on. As the phrase goes, now is the time.

October already

Where has the time gone? Life, being an uphill battle for the past few years, has made it a little more challenging to make forward progress on anything, let alone doing some artwork. I remain hopeful and increasingly resolute to do some new pieces, join an art group or two, and "get it out there". In fact it's all I think about. Well, maybe not all, but a good portion. I even dreamt about art twice in the last couple months. So stay tuned for news and updates. Hopefully my next post will include a picture of some new artwork.

Painting

Progress has been made. I am working on the painting from Utah. I have so many ideas for artwork now, it's just a matter of time.

Determined

I feel like I am on fire, you know the feeling, so full of energy and excitement that I don't know what to do first. Everything feels like it is coming into alignment and the doors are wide open. All I have to do is walk the path. What's changed? I knew this stuff before but it seems like I am being given the 'go ahead' from the universe. Go ahead and Be, it's time. My thoughts though are, "when wasn't it time?". Regardless, I am going with the good feelings and pushing myself forward. Past is past; it's all water under the bridge. Whatever happened, happened. All that matters is what I do now, but then that was always the case to begin with, wasn't it?

The external circumstances that seemed to hold me back, are no longer. I think that is the difference, I had to "wait it out", go through the process, etc. Things are looking up and I feel encouraged to resume my progression, spiritually and professionally. Long hiatus though. Never again.

I have so many ideas for artwork now. It's just a matter of time and energy, and some supplies. I am working on a painting from a photo I took out in Utah when I was out there doing some archaeological fieldwork. It's coming along. I hope to finish it this week.

Oh, and I extended the jewelry sale thru Sunday the 28th.

Some thoughts and a jewelry sale

The days are getting brighter and so is my outlook on life. I admit that last year it was a struggle to keep up a brave face and positive attitude, but it seems that things are turning around for me and getting better. I am searching for the time and energy to do more artwork, I have so many ideas. I am also searching for some other kind of work or other source of income that can help sustain me in a more comfortable fashion and still give me the time to do what I want to do. Working nights has been a real drain on me but now I am more determined to not let it bother me and find a better way. I am making better use of the daylight hours, although I pay for it the next day usually for the lack of sleep. In general I am starting to feel better about myself, which I think is giving me the energy to accomplish more. I never had these types of issues until this job came up, and I've been there far longer than I ever imagined (2 years and 9 months). So I am making every attempt to move forward.

On another note, I have put my jewelry on sale 20% off until 2/24. Any help with spreading the word would be much appreciated. I need gas and food money for the next couple of weeks. I am not usually the type to say anything, but I really need some help and I am not looking for a handout. I just want to do some business.

New pastel

I finally finished it! More to come. Stay tuned to this station for further news and information. Good things are happening. I am working on a few new pieces and experimenting more with different media.